// On overdrive

Perpetually tired and exhausted due to the late night phone calls with Ben (cheer up dude!) for 4 consecutive days. Thank God the pile of homework isn't that daunting yet.

Before Wanxian and I went down for Assembly, we saw Ong walking alone across the linkway. We decided to ambush him, so we hid behind the pillar and went, "BOO!!!" when he came. Stupid twit screamed and nearly dropped his phone. Bloody amusing man! :D

Geography class was hilarious too. Wanxian brought her masking tape and permanent marker so we spent the first half writing retarded phrases and words on the masking tape and sticking them all over the front cover of my Geog file.

Mousey found an abandoned tube of water glue and amused himself for awhile by squeezing droplets of it on DS's Chemistry worksheet, claiming that he wanted to "magnify the numbers". DS was doing the worksheet, and when his elbow touched the glue, his face contorted into the most retarded expressions ever.

From there, some glue war broke out between the two with Wanxian, Kenneth Lui and I as enthusiastic spectators. DS smeared glue on Mousey's face and the furious rodent retaliated by pouring even more glue on DS's back.

We also stuck "Kick Me" on Mousey's back and "I love my humps" on DS's back. The second part of Geog lesson was at the library and we were one of the last few to leave the classroom. Mousey was chasing DS and guess who we met at the linkway?

DR ONG (aka the Principal).

Lmaoz please. DS got scolded for his untucked shirt and we were so terrified that Dr Ong will see what we pasted on his back so Wanxian and I were standing behind the two retards trying to cover up. Freaking funny lah we laughed all the way to the library, in the library, and back to class. :D

We had Forum in the new lecture theatre today. It's like ten thousand times as big as the old one. But it's quite ugly, haha. Anyway Arthur T. was doing his Dr Orientation thingy whereby whenever he goes, "Hellooo Sunshines!", the whole school will respond, "Good afternoon, Dr Orientation!"

This time however, was different. Just before the school responded; in that split second of complete silence; I SNEEZED.

Apparently it was damn LOUD and the whole room turned behind to look and laugh at me. Wanxian's face was redder than ever and Liz laughed until she started SQUEAKING. Omg man so freaking pro.

Bernard Low didn't come for Econs so we went down to the poolside to watch some water polo matches. Met Kalai and Rachel Tang there. (:

Left after awhile and went back to Crescent with Wanxian and Xinling for peer tutoring. It totally owns for clocking in CAS hours lah. Xinling and I can now go to Beijing next month in peace.

---

I found a really cool puzzle game online! It's called GROW TUBE. It's the perfect game for those who have loads of time to waste, so give it a try when you're damn free and feeling smart okay. Very addictive and brain-sucking.

It's a sequence game whereby you're supposed to click on each of the 10 items shown. Every item makes certain stuff evolve from the cube and you have to figure out the exact, correct combination that will max out the levels of all the items.

Here's what the cube will look like when you succeed:

Freaking cute right!!! Anyway if you can solve this within 30 minutes it means you have some God-like brain and can overthrow Jimmy Neutron. I did this in 3 hours with loads of hints so... I'm normal? Haha okay shut up now thank you.

Bye all, and have fun! (:

// Straw dog

Just came back from a 5 hour period of mugging at KAP with Wanxian. I totally love that place, so many memories and it has the perfect ambience for studying AND relaxing. Plus there's always Cold Storage downstairs when we get sick of MacDonald's menu.

Did (or rather, copied Fuiyi's) Chemistry Investigations 1, 3 and 5. Mark Chiang dropped by awhile and omg Wanxian and I went completely MAD. I was pretending to like _______ and the other two were laughing like shit for God-knows-what reason. My acting very good okay! Humpf.

Then Mark Chiang left and Ong came. :D Omg so many visitors , how popular. (x OH YEAH we met Foxy too! She was with some dude, SO SCANDALOUS PLEASE. Hahaha.

Was recalling with Wanxian all the stupid stuff that happened in KAP and retarded teachers in Crescent. Bought dinner and Wanxian accidentally flipped her tray and happily dropped her whole packet of fries on the chair. Her eyes started expanding and she looked super sad case so naturally we screamed with laugher and the whole KAP now thinks we're a bunch of insane people cause we were DAMN LOUD, especially Wanxian omgwtfbbqlmaoz.

---

Anyway, today was damn productive because I FINISHED MY TOK FIRST DRAFT. Major achievement ok, it's like 2-weeks overdue already. Yay, go Zellllllll.

As you can see, I'm damn hyper now. Talked to Feixin online and GOD how I miss Crescent. Maybe I'll meet all the nice juniors in KAP soon. Their midyears are around the corner and Wanxian and I are going to study in KAP whenever possible. Wheee.

---

Okay best. I accidentally scraped my knee against the bottom of the table and half my scab tore off. So a lot of blood is gushing out by the second and I have run out of tissue paper. Bahh.

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeee. :D

// White houses

I initially wanted to blog about a really long and emo entry, but screw everything now because darling Wanxian just asked if I wanted to go KAP with her tomorrow afternoon and mug.

OH THE JOY!

OH THE MEMORIES!

OH THE FUN!!!

History's gonna repeat itself tomorrow. And in a good way too.

---

DAMN FREAKING HAPPY NOW, WANXIAN YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH YOU MADE MY DAY.

<3 <3 <3 hahahahaha.

// Mer de norms

Hello world. (: It's been ages and pages since I updated due to the ungodly amount of homework the teachers are throwing at us recently. Sigh.

Fell down yet again at the NSC 2 days ago just after rigging my boat. I was coming back with my life-jacket and some retard threw his boat cover on the ground. I didn't see it so I tripped and tadaa - blood, scratches and stinging pain.

Went to the doctor to get antiseptic cream yesterday night. Little did I know I was in for a Tetanus jab. Geez, it's only a few superficial bruises like I will die from fatal bacterial infection. I didn't even fall on rusty terrain lah what the hell.

I'm complaining because my arm feels weird and it's aching like some mad cow disease. But I have a 10-day MC from PE, cool or cool! :D

---

Fell asleep during Econs today. Haha like FINALLY I sleep in a class besides Geography right. :D Woke up after awhile due to a sudden vibration of my phone. Turned out a few bored people in class were calling everyone to see whose phones were not on silent and Khing was calling me to wake me up. SO LAME LAH hahaha.

OH and David is champion number one. He gave some unknown number to Cheryl and told her that it was Shannon's new number. Cheryl happily dailed but then dearest Bernard Low suddenly put his hand into his pocket while he was babbling about Elasticity. IT WAS HIS NUMBER LAH WTF. Bloody hilarious I tell you.

Didn't go for training because of my wound so spent a couple of hours after school hanging with the Smiley-face Gang in the SAC. Then off to ACJC with Liz, Wanxian, Ong and Wesley after school. The back gate was locked and Liz suggested climbing over, but because of my retarded wound we decided to go by the construction site and break the lock of some gate leading into the school.

Zhongyuan came after awhile and we explored the school. Met a lot of ex-Crescentians along the way. It was like some major reunion okay, I miss them all so much! Can't wait for Crescent funfair man.

Left after awhile for Delta CC with Kalai to catch hockey B Div finals. Crescent lost to St. Nick's in flicks, 2-1. In my opinion (and Rachel Tang's), St. Nick's deserved to win because they were clearly playing much better compared to Crescent. Oh well.

---

Oh yeah I'm not going to Lijiang anymore! :D Got into Beijing with Chia Bee Teck's help. Love her (like real). Hahaha. 7 days with Sloth and the Smiley-face Gang. Yay!

Ahhh tomorrow is Sports Day and I have to reach school at 7 am. Seriously this is child abuse to the max lah what is wrong with these people.

Okay time to go watch teevee. I am deprived number one. BYEEE. :D

// Bite to break skin

Omg I want to migrate to Indonesia. My maid just told me that women with humongous butts are deeply appreciated and admired there. I will fit in sooo well man.

---

Met Wanxian at Heeren yesterday and got Crescent Funfair tickets from Delia. I miss that girl A LOT. Delia please please please get your ass into ACS(I) next year, I will be happy gal number one.

Went to Taiwanese Street Snacks @ Cine and got myself a sausage and cheese crepe because the picture looked very tempting. IT SUCKED BREASTS OKAY KNN. Wanxian and I got cheated, very depressing indeed.

Met Jinyan, Jiaqing, Kevin, Zhongyuan and Mark Chiang later and watched Final Destination 3. It was a total rip-off of Happy Tree Friends, except that it's people and the blood looks more real. Wanxian nearly died while watching it I think, she was very traumatised. Mark Chiang was laughing away, bloody SADIST. :D

Bumped into a lot of ex-Crescentians and other random people in town. It was like a huge reunion man, Wanxian and I went completely mad running around hugging everybody while the guys just stood there with their mouths hung open in shock. Hahaha.

Played pool @ Monstercue. Ahha Wanxian is hilarious number one and my pool skills are officially non-existent. Bahh.

Rui called at night. I swear, we are the ultimate prank-calling soulmates. If there was ever one night when we unite with her private landline, the whole world will DIE. >:D

---

Met Xinling at Cityhall for lunch before training. Was supposed to meet Bose at Bedok MRT to share cab to NSC but we got held up in Robinson's because of this really nice shorts that doesn't compliment our thighs according to the (sadistic) 3-way mirror in the fitting room. Sorry Bose!

Anyway Jessica and I capsized 3 times today. The wind was sooo retarded. Unpredictable and gusty to the max. Everyone turned turtle at least once today. You know, we look like desperate penguins when we capsize and try to upright the boat. Freaking cute please.

Jackson got kinda pissed with our attitude today because we all apparently couldn't find the markers so we were sailing aimlessly in all directions. And this new guy Victor - he only came for the last 3 trainings but already he wanted to sail alone despite Jackson's countless attempts to dissuade him because he was simply not experienced enough. But you know, guys and their ego problem... Lol.

Got a lift from Iraneus's dad and Bose, Xinling and I had pre-dinner in Long John's Silvers @ the building outside Cityhall MRT station. So when I came home, I spent 10 minutes staring sadly at my dinner because I was too fecking full. Oh well.

---

Damn, my commentry on Strange Meeting by Owen Wilson is still untouched. And I'm still having writer's block. HOW NOW BROWN COW?

Don't even remind me of TOK. Gave up after reading the first chapter of the textbook. Cursesssssssss.

Busy day tomorrow and I'm looking like a dead corpse now. My arm's aching also, how pathetic. And to top it all off, I have never seen my hair in a sadder state than this before.

---

Okay best. Now my sister is proclaiming that a lizard is lurking somewhere between my room door and the staircase leading up to it. I think I shall camp in my studyroom tonight because I have run out of Baygon. Boohoo.

Goodnight world. (:

// The hands that fuel desire

Went back to ACS(I)'s track and ran 4km yesterday. Felt much better after that, plus talking to Ong online at night helped a lot. (:

You can do this, Zel. You can make it through without breaking down. You can, and you will.


---

So today's the official start of the March holidays. Spent the morning reading The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom. Then some annoying 7-year-old cousin came over to play with my brother. They need to be kidnapped. Anyone willing to help? I'll pay you, I promise.

Just downloaded The All-American Rejects' Move Along album on LimeWire. Love them loads. (:

Anyway I'm going to do a rough outline of this week's schedule. Subject to changes, of course.

Monday

#1. Do Math, including tuition homework. All of it.
#2. Run.
#3. Do 1000 word commentry on Strange Meeting by Wilfred Owen.
#4. Watch my newly downloaded Peter Pan Disney movie. xD

Tuesday

#1. Chinese tuition.
#2. Outing with softballers and Wanxian.
#3. Get my Blink 182 tee from Mason.
#4. Read TOK textbook.

Wednesday

#1. Sailing training.
#2. Math tuition.
#3. Attempt 1st draft of TOK essay.

Thursday

#1. Piano lesson.
#2. Crash Crescent NCC camp.
#3. Outing with Jerilyn and Kalai.
#4. Romp@Zouk (?)

Friday

#1. Sailing training.
#2. Outing with Ruiyi.
#3. Get my iPod Video.
#4. Do Math tuition homework.

Saturday

#1. Sailing training.
#2. Math tuition.
#3. Run.
#4. 2nd attempt on 1st draft of TOK essay.

Sunday

#1. Chinese tuition
#2. Finish whatever homework left.
#3. Run.
#4. Prepare for school (boo).

---

Looks A-Okay, right? Hopefully nothing too retarded crops up ruining my stupendous plan. Teehee.

// Losing grip

Boring, boring day.

---

8 March 2006

"Fuck you. And this time I say it without an intention to hurt. I say it because I mean it. You come and moodswing then suddenly act all normal without even explanation. Wait, weren't you complaining about a girl in your class who did exactly that? This is a milestone. Because everytime something has gone wrong I've been hurt. Yet now I don't feel even a drip of hurt, just warm fiery anger. Have fun Zelanie. Reply with a one word answer like 'kthx' or 'ok' or a full essay cursing the gods or the demonds or me, or don't even fucking reply. I don't give a shit. If I can get over Eunice I can sure as hell get over YOU. Right now I don't WANT to know you anymore, this is just a little form of closure to eliminate the hope and fears of the unknown :) Cheerios."

-no reply from Zel-

12 March 2006

"I can't think of a stylish way to say this so, sorry."

"Much as I hate to tell you this, but I think all my feelings for you have evaporated over the past 2 months and now I feel nothing but coldness and emptiness towards you. I know it's pretty mean of me to tell you this, but it beats not being entirely honest with you. But don't you shoulder all the blame for whatever's happened because it takes 2 hands to clap so I'm partly at fault too. Anyway, enjoy Peiling and poly life and try to forget I ever existed ok? Thanks. (:"

"Yeah I expected it. I just wanted to apologise. Alright."

"Why though? If it was because of what I did, yeah okay. But 2 months?"

"I meant the part where we both found out we like each other but you chose to break my heart and not Peiling's, and how I tried to stop liking you after that. Apparently it worked. Haha."

"I didn't choose to hurt you. I was already with her for Christ's sake. You have to like me to be friends?"

"Your message to me on 8 March pretty much explained the mother of all misunderstandings. Anyhow, I can't be bothered to try anymore. It's too exhausting and painful and I just can't do it without crying myself to sleep almost every night. Sorry."

---

Congratulations, Zelanie. You managed to lose the bestest friend you'll ever have. What's more, you end up making yourself look like the bad guy despite you being the one who's trapped in the viscious cycle of this rollercoaster friendship.

Oh well. None of that matters now anyway. It's like a great load has been finally lifted off my aching shoulders. All the stress and frustrations of being unappreciated and I had to battle with has been relieved of me and I can now only express how thankful I am to you for sending that message on 8 March, confirming finality and ending this 2-year torment.

All I have to do now is not to miss you. I cry out to the Heavens that I can do that and not die of terminal depression. Because everytime I sign into MSN, there's hardly anyone who'll laugh at my comments (making me laugh at myself too), nor is there anyone engaging to talk to until the wee hours of the morning.

Thank you for every single conversation we had on MSN, phone and via SMS that made me think and view life at a much higher level. I saved the nicest, the funniest, and the most depressing ones for memory's sake because even if you someday do forget all about me, I will never forget you.

Thank you for being there when I was weak and angry at the world. Thank you for understanding me when no one else did, not even myself. Thank you for the fun times, and the bad times too, because fighting with you has made me become a stronger person emotionally.

I'm sorry for being selfish and how I ended things this way. But you must understand that I am emotionally strained and exhausted from clearing misunderstandings after misunderstandings. I'm nearly on the brink of having a nervous breakdown and I want to do whatever I can to prevent that from happening.

Putting our friendship on hold temporarily or forever is one of the choices I have to make, and I decided to give it a go because in life, nothing counts unless you try. I don't know if I'm making the right decision, but nevertheless, I think it's the best for the both of us.

Lastly, I just want to let you know that your footprints in my life will never be washed away no matter how strong the tide is, because the impact you made on me is too great and divine to ever be pushed aside.

All the best in Singapore Poly and I hope you get into Aerospace Technology because nothing beats doing what you love. I pray that you'll find another person who can replace me in your life because truthfully, I don't think we can make it as friends till adulthood anymore.

---

It's time to find my sanity and genuine happiness before they slip off into virtual non-existence. Hopefully the March holidays can help me a little. Oh well.

Goodbye my lover,
Goodbye my friend.

---

{edit}

"My life's a bitch huh. Just know that you're lucky and fortunate to be in ACS..."

"Anyway I'm always here if you need me okay. Don't talk to me if you don't feel like it or whatever. I guss I've lots to make up for. Sigh."

"(:"

"Haha I owe you that much at the very least. Study hard and love life you :)"

---

FUCK I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.

{/edit}

// Wicked games

Went for the party at Chris Lim's house yesterday night. It wasn't very happening but Wanxian and I managed to entertain ourselves by exploring the house and going "Omg" every 3 seconds. It's FREAKING humongous okay, I heard one guy was MIA for a really long time in there before and they had to call his phone to locate him ahaha!

Left after an hour with the softballers for Jinyan's place. The walk there was funner than the time we had at the party lmao. Jinyan went to climb a TREE hahaha so retarded!

Played 230958739078509213 games of Dai Dee until I fell asleep during one of the rounds and nearly fell off the bed. And out of that 230958739078509213 rounds, I only won 3 times. Pathetic!

Left around 11.30 pm and gave Wesley a lift home. So all in all, it was a rather fun night out. (: Trust the forever retarded softballers to make me laugh and temporarily forget about the shit that happened 2 nights ago. My thoughts are too messed up to blog about it. Sigh.

---

Okay random survey:-

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Zelanie.
2. Zel.
3. Elephant (bloody hell man).

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. superZEL.
2. sex maggot.
3. Zelanie.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Hair.
2. Eyes.
3. Mouth.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Fats.
2. Fats.
3. Fats!!

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Chinese.
2. Japanese (got people say I look like a Jap okay, don't mess).
3. Godzilla.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Smart people.
2. Shutter the movie.
3. The irrationalism of a human mind.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Phone.
2. Music.
3. Bed.

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. ACS(I) "Finding Your Niche" tshirt!
2. Kelme running shorts.
3. Red sports bra hahaha.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS/MUSICAL ARTISTS (3 only??!):
1. The All-American Rejects.
2. Jimmy Eat World.
3. Anberlin.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (wahlao why 3 only again, so kiam):
1. Run - Snow Patrol
2. Futures - Jimmy Eat World
3. Understand The Dream Is Over - The Juliana Theory

THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Love
2. Humour
3. Trust

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE -PREFERRED- SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Personality
2. Hair
3. GREAAAT sense of humour

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Music.
2. Laughing.
3. Sleeping.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Talk to ____.
2. Apologise to ____.
3. Laugh. And smile again.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. Journalist.
2. Fireman.
3. Script writer.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Rome.
2. Scotland.
3. Bali.

THREE KIDS NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Amberly.
2. Danielle.
3. ZELANIE of course. :D

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Murder everyone on my Death list.
2. Tell ____ the truth.
3. Jump off a cliff, then die after hitting the rocks.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I wear skirts.
2. I am hopelessly in love with Chad Michael Murray.
3. I look like one? Lol.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I can own almost everyone in Halo.
2. I rather ogle at hot girls than cute guys.
3. Take a look at my music collection and you'll know why. (:

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY OMG SPASM x100000
2. Haley Joel Osment.
3. Johnny Depp.

---

Okay so my parents left for Bangkok this morning but I guess I'm gonna be a good girl and stay at home at night.













Or not. >:D

// Failure by design

Woohoo rockin' day! :D Learnt complex numbers and blablabla shit during Math.

Looked for Wanxian during recess but that stupid girl died somewhere so I went down to the court with Kenneth Lui to play soccer. For the third time in my life, my feet were doing something useful by defending and OMG I didn't kill the game haha!

Left for Econs with Melvin, Mark Chiang and Kevin. Stoned for 40 minutes and then headed to the Cafe. The softballers were hankpankying around at the fish tank. Poor fish, it must be traumatised number one.

Time-keeping was quite uneventful today. But the mother of all major cock-ups was by Bongard. It was the starting time where the racers were about to take off, when this small guy started to cut across the track, causing Bongard to bellow, "OY GET ORFFFFF!"

One of the competitiors (I think he's called Timothy) thought Bongard called him to get up or something, so when the race started he actually STOOD UP oh my goodness. Lost like 3 whole seconds which was very crucial to his timing although he caught up with everyone and came in 2nd. Stupid Bongard hahaha.

Took part in discus also. Hahaha stupid circular thing so freaking hard to HOLD, let alone throw. Came in 2nd from the bottom STOP LAUGHING LAH at least I won something for SHORT PUT ahha!

---

Left around 4 pm with Wanxian for Hwa Chong Junior College to support the softballers in a friendly match against HCJC. Bloody school has EVERYTHING. Squash courts, tennis courts, tennis training courts, badminton courts, swimming pool, basketball courts, netball courts, soccer field, softball field, the track ect ect.

It also stretches over the distance of 3 bus stops. Total waste of precious land okay. Pffft.

Anyway both of us totally didn't understand the game at first so we thought the worst - ACS(I) was getting thrashed by HCJC. Then Wesley came and started explaining the game to us and we were like, "OHHHH" but still unsure whether we were winning.

AND THEN WE DISCOVERED SOMETHING AMAZING. Whenever we sat down, ACS(I) seemed to be getting owned but when we stood up they always win every round. So we like stood for 2 hours and they WON hahaha. Now my legs are all aching like crap, how am I going to run 4 x 100M tomorrow I don't know.

---

Was supposed to do work but the mugging mood was totally ruined today. Now waiting for the OEP site to open (16 minutes 34 seconds to go).

Golly golashes, I have never seen so many IB people online at one time before - and all with one motive too. This is highly amusing, it's worse than watching 22 people chase after 1 soccer ball (though I have nothing against soccer. It's a wonderful game).

---

Before I part, here is a result of our boredom in HCJC. Enjoy (:



---

{edit}

OH FUCK. FUCKETTY FUCK.

I totally forgot about Wanxian! She doesn't really know about the OEP thing, let alone know that today's the starting date to sign up and that everyone's fighting like mad for a place in the country they want to go. Her phone's switched off so I called her house, awakening her mother.

Explained to her mother about the OEP thing and on how it was on a first-come-first-serve basis and omg she started PANICKING ahha. Wanxian also refuses to wake up (bloody pig) so I'm damn scared she ends up in Sarawak or Taman Negra or Timbuktu or God-knows-where.

Okay I'm starting to panic myself. Li Jiang has 8 spaces left and there's still about 5 more hours before Wanxian the pig wakes up. God please help her get into Li Jiang and teach the little kiddos at the village school with the Spring of Love Project staff.

Oh wow it's 1.03 am now I have to sleep if not tomorrow I will be like dead corpse and everyone around me will suffer. Goodnight!

{/edit}

// Straightjacket feeling

This is relatively old news, but I must announce it anyway.

WANXIAN GOT INTO ACS(I)!!!

Omg spasm one thousand times. Finally, another fragment of my old life in Crescent has been uncovered, meaning I'm more likely to enjoy the upcoming 2 years now. I am happy gal number one okay, don't mess. =P

---

Today was so freaking slack I can't really remember what I did before going for sports heats save for the fact that I passed my Econs test (20/25 hahahahaha).

As usual, Cheryl and I left nearly 1 hour earlier before the actual time we were dismissed and went to 5.13 with Wanxian to slack. Then we had lunch at the Cafe and I went to nap at the spot where all the bags were. Haha so unglam, but NEHMINE LAH. :D

Had to help out in sports heats for CAS. I am ASSISTANT CHIEF TIME-KEEPER, so pro right. (x Anyway, Wanxian came to help because she didn't want to have lessons (first day here already ponned like mad, tsk tsk).

Basically spent about 3 hours holding the lollipop (it's this green and red thingy which lets the starters know whether we're ready) and pressing stopwatches. I think I'm quite a professional time-keeper now, what with all the practising since yesterday. Wheee.

Kidnapped the loud hailer from Cheryl after the whole thing ended. I swear, it's the bestest toy in the world!! Went around attacking innocent people ("Keith, stop flirting with the Thoban guy!") omg funny number one.

Also made a bet with Marcus Lim DS. If he could lick his elbow, he gets 20 bucks from me. It's amazing how much people would do for the stupidest things that only ends up making them look so retarded.

Anyway it's physically impossible to lick one's elbow (go on, try it) so poor Marcus Lim didn't get his 20 bucks. However, there's a rather flattering video in Kenneth Lui's phone featuring him trying to prove me wrong. I swear, it is very entertaining indeed. :D

---

Went home with Brendan, Xinling and Wanxian. I fell asleep on the bus and fucking missed my stop and landed up in Adam Road hahaha. Lazy to take bus back so I crossed over to Japanese Association and flagged down a cab there.

The cab driver is very interesting. He thought I was Japanese so when I went inside he was all, "Konichiwa!" But after I went, "Harr??", he totally shut up.

I think he was quite disappointed but who cares man, I look like a JAP! :D

---

Oh oh I almost forgot. I TOOK PART IN SHOTPUT YESTERDAY AND CAME IN SECOND OMG SO RETARDED OKAY, I NEVER THREW A MEDICINE BALL IN MY WHOLE FREAKING LIFE BEFORE AND I CAN STILL GET A PRIZE, OWNAGE OR OWNAGE!

:D







Yayyy I'm gonna love ACS(I) now with these 2 retards. Long live Crescentians 2001-2005! <33

// Song of the moment

I'll Be - Edwin McCain

The strands in your eyes that colour them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
And emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth

Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

[Chorus]
I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You're my survival, you're my living proof
My love is alive and not dead

Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

[Chorus]

And I've dropped out, I've burned up
I fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in, turned on
Remembered the things that you said

[Chorus] x2

// It's not Loaded.

Woke up this morning feeling greaaaaat all thanks to Liak who kept me company all the way till 3 am yesterday night because of my insomnia. (:

Spent the morning reading Tell Me Your Dreams by Sidney Sheldon. Needless to say, I always read the good books and this one's really stupendous. I love exploring the endless ways of how the human mind works, and this book speaks of a multiple personality disorder/dissociative identity disorder.

Maybe I should indulge in psychiatric literature when I grow older. Now that's an interesting thought.

---

Must dash to Kalai's place in 10 minutes. Meanwhile, I chanced upon Jerilyn's blog and found out she actually tagged me to do some random survey. So here goes:

Seven random facts about me:
1. I AM NOT AN ELEPHANT.
2. Dare me to do anything for money and I probably will.
3. I listen to Cradle of Filth. Haha!
4. It's highly recommended that one should not talk to me before 9 am.
5. I love sleeping.
6. My state of mental health has been questioned one too many times.
7. I enjoy being a public nuisance. Hawhaw.

Seven celebrity crushes:
1. CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY =P

Seven qualities I want in a potential boyfriend/girlfriend:
1. The ability to make me laugh. Not the "haha" type but the squat-on-the-floor-laughing-until-I-cry kind. Teehee.
2. You have to know when to leave me alone when I need some time by myself.
3. You gotta be smarter than me. Haha.
4. Go the extra mile for the smallest things, because I would do the same for you.
5. Let me love you.
6. Um... Just be sweet and nice and loyal.
7. Love me enough not to hurt me.

Seven things that scare me:
1. Freaking lizards.
2. Flying cockroaches.
3. Sinking into depression.
4. Shutter, the ultimate ownage horror movie.
5. Being alone in an unfamiliar place.
6. My handphone bill. Lol.
7. Most of all... Myself.

Seven random songs at the moment:
1. Calm Like A Bomb - Rage Against The Machine
2. Coming Undone - Korn
3. Halo - Bethany Joy Lenz
4. Futures - Jimmy Eat World
5. Run - Snow Patrol
6. Understand The Dream Is Over - The Juliana Theory
7. Dance Inside - The All-American Rejects

Seven things I like the most:
1. My orange Barney Rustler Crumpler
2. My phone (2 years old and counting!)
3. The chain reaction between Kalai and Jerilyn when I sneeze/fart/burp. :D
4. Being retarded. 5. LAUGHING!!! (especially at people who fall down)
6. Collecting pictures of orgasm faces (eg. Soccer players doing their thang)
7. Sleeping.

Seven things I plan to do before I die:
1. Kill everyone on my deathlist.
2. Have sex. (HAHA)
3. Jump off a cliff. (that's how I want to die actually)
4. Let ____ know the truth.
5. Go to Rome.
6. I always wanted to eat dog food.
7. Spend time with my closest friends.

Seven things I say the most:
1. "I am NOT retarded."
2. "Very funny meh??"
3. "OMGWTFBBQ"
4. "What the hell"
5. "Kanasai"
6. "Got homework meh??"
7. "Stop corrupting my innocent mind lah."

Seven people I want to do this too:
1. People
2. Who
3. Are
4. Bored
5. Like
6. Me
7. (:

// Shoots and ladders

Slept at 3 am yesterday night because of the show (refer to Friday's post) and my doing some reflections on what has happened in this 2 short months.

I realised I haven't been a good person, daughter, student and friend to everyone. Been sleeping and fooling around in class, lying, being depressed, abandoning people, disobeying my parents, procrastinating my schoolwork, be on the computer 24/7 and the like.

Very disappointing, Zel. Very disappointing.

Anyway I'm very sorry for being the way I am this year. I promise to change for the better. Who knows, I may even start going to church without having hypocritical feelings again.

It's time for a change; a stupendous (and hopefully permanent) revolution. Till then, please bear with my lousy attitude for a little while longer alright.

---

I'd also like to thank Liz, Marcus Ng, Xinling, Alex, Zhihao, Bose, Melissa and everyone else for being there for me on Friday. I know I was acting like a pompous and indecisive old fart and I love you all for being patient with my stupid irrational brain.

Going to a polytechnic isn't my choice - it's my escapade. And I thank God for Xinling who helped me realise that.

I also must stop wallowing in self-pity and start working hard in my studies. I cannot allow myself to be retained this year-end. Guess it's time to go mug in KAP again. (: Hopefully, I won't burn out too soon.

I must stop self-mutilation and look on the bright side of every problem. I've found a list of sites that encourages people whom have suidical thoughts and they're quite effective. (: I'm kind of contemplating on being a Christian too. After all, religion's one of the best remedies for depressed people. Hahaha.

I also need to start appreciating my friends (we'll leave family to a much later part though). They actually do give a shit about me and I have never shown much gratitude to them. So I gotta work on being friends back too.

---

Finally finished reading Lord of the Flies and I must say it's a really great read with classic graphic descriptions. The movie's more emotional though, it's very sad that Limewire doesn't have the file for me to download. Oh well.

"Ralph looked at him dumbly. For a moment he had a fleeting picture of the strange glamour that had once invested the beaches. But the island was scorched up like dead wood - Simon was dead - and Jack had... The tears began to flow and sobs shook him. He gave himself up to them now for the first time on the island; great, shuddering spasms of grief that seemed to wrench his whole body.

His voice rose from under the black smoke before the burning wreckage of the island; and infected by that emotion, the other little boys began to shake and sob too. And in the middle of them, with filthy body, matted hair, and unwiped nose, Ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man's heart, and the fall through the air of the true, wise friend called Piggy."

Famous last words. Evil in its purest form. This book is ownage, yes? :D

---

Damn, I have English commentries and first draft of my TOK essay to do. Screw it, I shall work on them tomorrow in Kalai's house. Saturdays are meant for playing after all. (:

// Yellow brick road

Using my sister's tablet now the keypad is freaking stupid. I keep making typos, this is very frustrating.

JAE posting results today. ACS(I)'s cut-off is 8 points, how retarded. I never knew this school was that pro. I hope Wanxian's appeal is succesful, I sooo want her to come here. /=

I was feeling very down because I was damn scared the school will retain me by the end of the year. Just look at my test results and my attitude in class and you'd be able to predict my term report correctly. Ah depressing.

Lessons ended around 11.20 am because of Life Science Symposium. Sat between Colin and Wanxian (haha Xinling and I dragged her into the auditorium with us) during the talk. Naturally, I fell asleep on Wanxian and Colin fell asleep on me.

The guy infront of Wanxian slept in such a way that his head ended up resting on Wanxian's knees. Champion number one.

---

Today's training was THE BEST so far! Sailed with Jessica again and WE DIDN'T CAPSIZE AT ALL. Like omgz, clap please. :D

Had a birthday bash for Mr Lim and Uncle Tony. Caught up with Xinling again (<333!) and basically just gossiped with the Year 5s.

Oh, the food is really good. (: Had like, 3 helpings omg what ever is happening to my so-called diet someone please shoot me now.

Apparently, the guys think Crescent girls are bloody hilarious and even took a video of Xinling and I doing God-knows-what. Ahha embarassing, but nevermind I'm quite shameless as you all know. (x

---

Got a lift from one of the guy's mom and dropped off at KAP to wait for my dad. I actually studied Econs there okay, PRO OR PRO.

However I met Jarvin and his friends there and thus promptly abandoned my notes. Played Bridge until my dad came and went home.

---

Thank God for sailing and Xinling. If not for these 2 very important factors of my life, I would be very well on my way to Ngee Ann Polytechnic now.

Oooh nice show on HBO now. Barely 5 minutes before it started there's already sounds of guns and 3 people are lying on the floor covered in blood. I likeee. :D

Goodnight!

// Autobahn

I'm gonna make this a relatively short post because I'm exhausted to the max.

Founder's Day today. Woke up at an ungodly hour of 6 am to reach school half an hour earlier. Half the level ponned lah what the shit. Mark Chiang was tempting me yesterday night and even my own mother wanted me to stay at home so she won't have to wake up early to fetch me. However, I already promised Cheryl I'd go to school with her, so I woke up this morning looking like a dead corpse due to the fact I slept at 1 am the night before.

Fell asleep standing up during the parade. Slept through the entire awards presentation, only waking up when this guy knocked into the table full of plaques and causing half of the mass to fall down domino style. :D

Had lunch (I ate 4 xiao ji's omg it's like drinking oil) and went for sailing afterwards. Needless to say, I slept on the bus again. Teehee.

TRAINING ROCKED TODAY! Paired up with Jessica (my sailing soul mate okay) and basically did tacks and jibes the whole afternoon till we mastered them. We capsized only ONCE also ahha I am sailing noob NO MORE. xD

Gerard and I caught a ride from Razmi, squeezing with 4 other people in the back. I actually managed to SLEEP yet again, I am champion number one lah oh my son.

---

Just did research on Amy Tan for my EE essay. I must say, her facial features are very... Intriguing.

If you get nightmares about a strange woman with ridiculous cheekbones the height of dinosaurs tonight, please don't come and find me kekekez.

Going to sleep now! Byebye. (:

// On overdrive

Perpetually tired and exhausted due to the late night phone calls with Ben (cheer up dude!) for 4 consecutive days. Thank God the pile of homework isn't that daunting yet.

Before Wanxian and I went down for Assembly, we saw Ong walking alone across the linkway. We decided to ambush him, so we hid behind the pillar and went, "BOO!!!" when he came. Stupid twit screamed and nearly dropped his phone. Bloody amusing man! :D

Geography class was hilarious too. Wanxian brought her masking tape and permanent marker so we spent the first half writing retarded phrases and words on the masking tape and sticking them all over the front cover of my Geog file.

Mousey found an abandoned tube of water glue and amused himself for awhile by squeezing droplets of it on DS's Chemistry worksheet, claiming that he wanted to "magnify the numbers". DS was doing the worksheet, and when his elbow touched the glue, his face contorted into the most retarded expressions ever.

From there, some glue war broke out between the two with Wanxian, Kenneth Lui and I as enthusiastic spectators. DS smeared glue on Mousey's face and the furious rodent retaliated by pouring even more glue on DS's back.

We also stuck "Kick Me" on Mousey's back and "I love my humps" on DS's back. The second part of Geog lesson was at the library and we were one of the last few to leave the classroom. Mousey was chasing DS and guess who we met at the linkway?

DR ONG (aka the Principal).

Lmaoz please. DS got scolded for his untucked shirt and we were so terrified that Dr Ong will see what we pasted on his back so Wanxian and I were standing behind the two retards trying to cover up. Freaking funny lah we laughed all the way to the library, in the library, and back to class. :D

We had Forum in the new lecture theatre today. It's like ten thousand times as big as the old one. But it's quite ugly, haha. Anyway Arthur T. was doing his Dr Orientation thingy whereby whenever he goes, "Hellooo Sunshines!", the whole school will respond, "Good afternoon, Dr Orientation!"

This time however, was different. Just before the school responded; in that split second of complete silence; I SNEEZED.

Apparently it was damn LOUD and the whole room turned behind to look and laugh at me. Wanxian's face was redder than ever and Liz laughed until she started SQUEAKING. Omg man so freaking pro.

Bernard Low didn't come for Econs so we went down to the poolside to watch some water polo matches. Met Kalai and Rachel Tang there. (:

Left after awhile and went back to Crescent with Wanxian and Xinling for peer tutoring. It totally owns for clocking in CAS hours lah. Xinling and I can now go to Beijing next month in peace.

---

I found a really cool puzzle game online! It's called GROW TUBE. It's the perfect game for those who have loads of time to waste, so give it a try when you're damn free and feeling smart okay. Very addictive and brain-sucking.

It's a sequence game whereby you're supposed to click on each of the 10 items shown. Every item makes certain stuff evolve from the cube and you have to figure out the exact, correct combination that will max out the levels of all the items.

Here's what the cube will look like when you succeed:

Freaking cute right!!! Anyway if you can solve this within 30 minutes it means you have some God-like brain and can overthrow Jimmy Neutron. I did this in 3 hours with loads of hints so... I'm normal? Haha okay shut up now thank you.

Bye all, and have fun! (:

// Straw dog

Just came back from a 5 hour period of mugging at KAP with Wanxian. I totally love that place, so many memories and it has the perfect ambience for studying AND relaxing. Plus there's always Cold Storage downstairs when we get sick of MacDonald's menu.

Did (or rather, copied Fuiyi's) Chemistry Investigations 1, 3 and 5. Mark Chiang dropped by awhile and omg Wanxian and I went completely MAD. I was pretending to like _______ and the other two were laughing like shit for God-knows-what reason. My acting very good okay! Humpf.

Then Mark Chiang left and Ong came. :D Omg so many visitors , how popular. (x OH YEAH we met Foxy too! She was with some dude, SO SCANDALOUS PLEASE. Hahaha.

Was recalling with Wanxian all the stupid stuff that happened in KAP and retarded teachers in Crescent. Bought dinner and Wanxian accidentally flipped her tray and happily dropped her whole packet of fries on the chair. Her eyes started expanding and she looked super sad case so naturally we screamed with laugher and the whole KAP now thinks we're a bunch of insane people cause we were DAMN LOUD, especially Wanxian omgwtfbbqlmaoz.

---

Anyway, today was damn productive because I FINISHED MY TOK FIRST DRAFT. Major achievement ok, it's like 2-weeks overdue already. Yay, go Zellllllll.

As you can see, I'm damn hyper now. Talked to Feixin online and GOD how I miss Crescent. Maybe I'll meet all the nice juniors in KAP soon. Their midyears are around the corner and Wanxian and I are going to study in KAP whenever possible. Wheee.

---

Okay best. I accidentally scraped my knee against the bottom of the table and half my scab tore off. So a lot of blood is gushing out by the second and I have run out of tissue paper. Bahh.

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeee. :D

// White houses

I initially wanted to blog about a really long and emo entry, but screw everything now because darling Wanxian just asked if I wanted to go KAP with her tomorrow afternoon and mug.

OH THE JOY!

OH THE MEMORIES!

OH THE FUN!!!

History's gonna repeat itself tomorrow. And in a good way too.

---

DAMN FREAKING HAPPY NOW, WANXIAN YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH YOU MADE MY DAY.

<3 <3 <3 hahahahaha.

// Mer de norms

Hello world. (: It's been ages and pages since I updated due to the ungodly amount of homework the teachers are throwing at us recently. Sigh.

Fell down yet again at the NSC 2 days ago just after rigging my boat. I was coming back with my life-jacket and some retard threw his boat cover on the ground. I didn't see it so I tripped and tadaa - blood, scratches and stinging pain.

Went to the doctor to get antiseptic cream yesterday night. Little did I know I was in for a Tetanus jab. Geez, it's only a few superficial bruises like I will die from fatal bacterial infection. I didn't even fall on rusty terrain lah what the hell.

I'm complaining because my arm feels weird and it's aching like some mad cow disease. But I have a 10-day MC from PE, cool or cool! :D

---

Fell asleep during Econs today. Haha like FINALLY I sleep in a class besides Geography right. :D Woke up after awhile due to a sudden vibration of my phone. Turned out a few bored people in class were calling everyone to see whose phones were not on silent and Khing was calling me to wake me up. SO LAME LAH hahaha.

OH and David is champion number one. He gave some unknown number to Cheryl and told her that it was Shannon's new number. Cheryl happily dailed but then dearest Bernard Low suddenly put his hand into his pocket while he was babbling about Elasticity. IT WAS HIS NUMBER LAH WTF. Bloody hilarious I tell you.

Didn't go for training because of my wound so spent a couple of hours after school hanging with the Smiley-face Gang in the SAC. Then off to ACJC with Liz, Wanxian, Ong and Wesley after school. The back gate was locked and Liz suggested climbing over, but because of my retarded wound we decided to go by the construction site and break the lock of some gate leading into the school.

Zhongyuan came after awhile and we explored the school. Met a lot of ex-Crescentians along the way. It was like some major reunion okay, I miss them all so much! Can't wait for Crescent funfair man.

Left after awhile for Delta CC with Kalai to catch hockey B Div finals. Crescent lost to St. Nick's in flicks, 2-1. In my opinion (and Rachel Tang's), St. Nick's deserved to win because they were clearly playing much better compared to Crescent. Oh well.

---

Oh yeah I'm not going to Lijiang anymore! :D Got into Beijing with Chia Bee Teck's help. Love her (like real). Hahaha. 7 days with Sloth and the Smiley-face Gang. Yay!

Ahhh tomorrow is Sports Day and I have to reach school at 7 am. Seriously this is child abuse to the max lah what is wrong with these people.

Okay time to go watch teevee. I am deprived number one. BYEEE. :D

// Bite to break skin

Omg I want to migrate to Indonesia. My maid just told me that women with humongous butts are deeply appreciated and admired there. I will fit in sooo well man.

---

Met Wanxian at Heeren yesterday and got Crescent Funfair tickets from Delia. I miss that girl A LOT. Delia please please please get your ass into ACS(I) next year, I will be happy gal number one.

Went to Taiwanese Street Snacks @ Cine and got myself a sausage and cheese crepe because the picture looked very tempting. IT SUCKED BREASTS OKAY KNN. Wanxian and I got cheated, very depressing indeed.

Met Jinyan, Jiaqing, Kevin, Zhongyuan and Mark Chiang later and watched Final Destination 3. It was a total rip-off of Happy Tree Friends, except that it's people and the blood looks more real. Wanxian nearly died while watching it I think, she was very traumatised. Mark Chiang was laughing away, bloody SADIST. :D

Bumped into a lot of ex-Crescentians and other random people in town. It was like a huge reunion man, Wanxian and I went completely mad running around hugging everybody while the guys just stood there with their mouths hung open in shock. Hahaha.

Played pool @ Monstercue. Ahha Wanxian is hilarious number one and my pool skills are officially non-existent. Bahh.

Rui called at night. I swear, we are the ultimate prank-calling soulmates. If there was ever one night when we unite with her private landline, the whole world will DIE. >:D

---

Met Xinling at Cityhall for lunch before training. Was supposed to meet Bose at Bedok MRT to share cab to NSC but we got held up in Robinson's because of this really nice shorts that doesn't compliment our thighs according to the (sadistic) 3-way mirror in the fitting room. Sorry Bose!

Anyway Jessica and I capsized 3 times today. The wind was sooo retarded. Unpredictable and gusty to the max. Everyone turned turtle at least once today. You know, we look like desperate penguins when we capsize and try to upright the boat. Freaking cute please.

Jackson got kinda pissed with our attitude today because we all apparently couldn't find the markers so we were sailing aimlessly in all directions. And this new guy Victor - he only came for the last 3 trainings but already he wanted to sail alone despite Jackson's countless attempts to dissuade him because he was simply not experienced enough. But you know, guys and their ego problem... Lol.

Got a lift from Iraneus's dad and Bose, Xinling and I had pre-dinner in Long John's Silvers @ the building outside Cityhall MRT station. So when I came home, I spent 10 minutes staring sadly at my dinner because I was too fecking full. Oh well.

---

Damn, my commentry on Strange Meeting by Owen Wilson is still untouched. And I'm still having writer's block. HOW NOW BROWN COW?

Don't even remind me of TOK. Gave up after reading the first chapter of the textbook. Cursesssssssss.

Busy day tomorrow and I'm looking like a dead corpse now. My arm's aching also, how pathetic. And to top it all off, I have never seen my hair in a sadder state than this before.

---

Okay best. Now my sister is proclaiming that a lizard is lurking somewhere between my room door and the staircase leading up to it. I think I shall camp in my studyroom tonight because I have run out of Baygon. Boohoo.

Goodnight world. (:

// The hands that fuel desire

Went back to ACS(I)'s track and ran 4km yesterday. Felt much better after that, plus talking to Ong online at night helped a lot. (:

You can do this, Zel. You can make it through without breaking down. You can, and you will.


---

So today's the official start of the March holidays. Spent the morning reading The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom. Then some annoying 7-year-old cousin came over to play with my brother. They need to be kidnapped. Anyone willing to help? I'll pay you, I promise.

Just downloaded The All-American Rejects' Move Along album on LimeWire. Love them loads. (:

Anyway I'm going to do a rough outline of this week's schedule. Subject to changes, of course.

Monday

#1. Do Math, including tuition homework. All of it.
#2. Run.
#3. Do 1000 word commentry on Strange Meeting by Wilfred Owen.
#4. Watch my newly downloaded Peter Pan Disney movie. xD

Tuesday

#1. Chinese tuition.
#2. Outing with softballers and Wanxian.
#3. Get my Blink 182 tee from Mason.
#4. Read TOK textbook.

Wednesday

#1. Sailing training.
#2. Math tuition.
#3. Attempt 1st draft of TOK essay.

Thursday

#1. Piano lesson.
#2. Crash Crescent NCC camp.
#3. Outing with Jerilyn and Kalai.
#4. Romp@Zouk (?)

Friday

#1. Sailing training.
#2. Outing with Ruiyi.
#3. Get my iPod Video.
#4. Do Math tuition homework.

Saturday

#1. Sailing training.
#2. Math tuition.
#3. Run.
#4. 2nd attempt on 1st draft of TOK essay.

Sunday

#1. Chinese tuition
#2. Finish whatever homework left.
#3. Run.
#4. Prepare for school (boo).

---

Looks A-Okay, right? Hopefully nothing too retarded crops up ruining my stupendous plan. Teehee.

// Losing grip

Boring, boring day.

---

8 March 2006

"Fuck you. And this time I say it without an intention to hurt. I say it because I mean it. You come and moodswing then suddenly act all normal without even explanation. Wait, weren't you complaining about a girl in your class who did exactly that? This is a milestone. Because everytime something has gone wrong I've been hurt. Yet now I don't feel even a drip of hurt, just warm fiery anger. Have fun Zelanie. Reply with a one word answer like 'kthx' or 'ok' or a full essay cursing the gods or the demonds or me, or don't even fucking reply. I don't give a shit. If I can get over Eunice I can sure as hell get over YOU. Right now I don't WANT to know you anymore, this is just a little form of closure to eliminate the hope and fears of the unknown :) Cheerios."

-no reply from Zel-

12 March 2006

"I can't think of a stylish way to say this so, sorry."

"Much as I hate to tell you this, but I think all my feelings for you have evaporated over the past 2 months and now I feel nothing but coldness and emptiness towards you. I know it's pretty mean of me to tell you this, but it beats not being entirely honest with you. But don't you shoulder all the blame for whatever's happened because it takes 2 hands to clap so I'm partly at fault too. Anyway, enjoy Peiling and poly life and try to forget I ever existed ok? Thanks. (:"

"Yeah I expected it. I just wanted to apologise. Alright."

"Why though? If it was because of what I did, yeah okay. But 2 months?"

"I meant the part where we both found out we like each other but you chose to break my heart and not Peiling's, and how I tried to stop liking you after that. Apparently it worked. Haha."

"I didn't choose to hurt you. I was already with her for Christ's sake. You have to like me to be friends?"

"Your message to me on 8 March pretty much explained the mother of all misunderstandings. Anyhow, I can't be bothered to try anymore. It's too exhausting and painful and I just can't do it without crying myself to sleep almost every night. Sorry."

---

Congratulations, Zelanie. You managed to lose the bestest friend you'll ever have. What's more, you end up making yourself look like the bad guy despite you being the one who's trapped in the viscious cycle of this rollercoaster friendship.

Oh well. None of that matters now anyway. It's like a great load has been finally lifted off my aching shoulders. All the stress and frustrations of being unappreciated and I had to battle with has been relieved of me and I can now only express how thankful I am to you for sending that message on 8 March, confirming finality and ending this 2-year torment.

All I have to do now is not to miss you. I cry out to the Heavens that I can do that and not die of terminal depression. Because everytime I sign into MSN, there's hardly anyone who'll laugh at my comments (making me laugh at myself too), nor is there anyone engaging to talk to until the wee hours of the morning.

Thank you for every single conversation we had on MSN, phone and via SMS that made me think and view life at a much higher level. I saved the nicest, the funniest, and the most depressing ones for memory's sake because even if you someday do forget all about me, I will never forget you.

Thank you for being there when I was weak and angry at the world. Thank you for understanding me when no one else did, not even myself. Thank you for the fun times, and the bad times too, because fighting with you has made me become a stronger person emotionally.

I'm sorry for being selfish and how I ended things this way. But you must understand that I am emotionally strained and exhausted from clearing misunderstandings after misunderstandings. I'm nearly on the brink of having a nervous breakdown and I want to do whatever I can to prevent that from happening.

Putting our friendship on hold temporarily or forever is one of the choices I have to make, and I decided to give it a go because in life, nothing counts unless you try. I don't know if I'm making the right decision, but nevertheless, I think it's the best for the both of us.

Lastly, I just want to let you know that your footprints in my life will never be washed away no matter how strong the tide is, because the impact you made on me is too great and divine to ever be pushed aside.

All the best in Singapore Poly and I hope you get into Aerospace Technology because nothing beats doing what you love. I pray that you'll find another person who can replace me in your life because truthfully, I don't think we can make it as friends till adulthood anymore.

---

It's time to find my sanity and genuine happiness before they slip off into virtual non-existence. Hopefully the March holidays can help me a little. Oh well.

Goodbye my lover,
Goodbye my friend.

---

{edit}

"My life's a bitch huh. Just know that you're lucky and fortunate to be in ACS..."

"Anyway I'm always here if you need me okay. Don't talk to me if you don't feel like it or whatever. I guss I've lots to make up for. Sigh."

"(:"

"Haha I owe you that much at the very least. Study hard and love life you :)"

---

FUCK I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.

{/edit}

// Wicked games

Went for the party at Chris Lim's house yesterday night. It wasn't very happening but Wanxian and I managed to entertain ourselves by exploring the house and going "Omg" every 3 seconds. It's FREAKING humongous okay, I heard one guy was MIA for a really long time in there before and they had to call his phone to locate him ahaha!

Left after an hour with the softballers for Jinyan's place. The walk there was funner than the time we had at the party lmao. Jinyan went to climb a TREE hahaha so retarded!

Played 230958739078509213 games of Dai Dee until I fell asleep during one of the rounds and nearly fell off the bed. And out of that 230958739078509213 rounds, I only won 3 times. Pathetic!

Left around 11.30 pm and gave Wesley a lift home. So all in all, it was a rather fun night out. (: Trust the forever retarded softballers to make me laugh and temporarily forget about the shit that happened 2 nights ago. My thoughts are too messed up to blog about it. Sigh.

---

Okay random survey:-

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Zelanie.
2. Zel.
3. Elephant (bloody hell man).

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. superZEL.
2. sex maggot.
3. Zelanie.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Hair.
2. Eyes.
3. Mouth.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Fats.
2. Fats.
3. Fats!!

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Chinese.
2. Japanese (got people say I look like a Jap okay, don't mess).
3. Godzilla.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Smart people.
2. Shutter the movie.
3. The irrationalism of a human mind.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Phone.
2. Music.
3. Bed.

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. ACS(I) "Finding Your Niche" tshirt!
2. Kelme running shorts.
3. Red sports bra hahaha.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS/MUSICAL ARTISTS (3 only??!):
1. The All-American Rejects.
2. Jimmy Eat World.
3. Anberlin.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (wahlao why 3 only again, so kiam):
1. Run - Snow Patrol
2. Futures - Jimmy Eat World
3. Understand The Dream Is Over - The Juliana Theory

THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Love
2. Humour
3. Trust

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE -PREFERRED- SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Personality
2. Hair
3. GREAAAT sense of humour

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Music.
2. Laughing.
3. Sleeping.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Talk to ____.
2. Apologise to ____.
3. Laugh. And smile again.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. Journalist.
2. Fireman.
3. Script writer.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Rome.
2. Scotland.
3. Bali.

THREE KIDS NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Amberly.
2. Danielle.
3. ZELANIE of course. :D

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Murder everyone on my Death list.
2. Tell ____ the truth.
3. Jump off a cliff, then die after hitting the rocks.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I wear skirts.
2. I am hopelessly in love with Chad Michael Murray.
3. I look like one? Lol.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I can own almost everyone in Halo.
2. I rather ogle at hot girls than cute guys.
3. Take a look at my music collection and you'll know why. (:

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY OMG SPASM x100000
2. Haley Joel Osment.
3. Johnny Depp.

---

Okay so my parents left for Bangkok this morning but I guess I'm gonna be a good girl and stay at home at night.













Or not. >:D

// Failure by design

Woohoo rockin' day! :D Learnt complex numbers and blablabla shit during Math.

Looked for Wanxian during recess but that stupid girl died somewhere so I went down to the court with Kenneth Lui to play soccer. For the third time in my life, my feet were doing something useful by defending and OMG I didn't kill the game haha!

Left for Econs with Melvin, Mark Chiang and Kevin. Stoned for 40 minutes and then headed to the Cafe. The softballers were hankpankying around at the fish tank. Poor fish, it must be traumatised number one.

Time-keeping was quite uneventful today. But the mother of all major cock-ups was by Bongard. It was the starting time where the racers were about to take off, when this small guy started to cut across the track, causing Bongard to bellow, "OY GET ORFFFFF!"

One of the competitiors (I think he's called Timothy) thought Bongard called him to get up or something, so when the race started he actually STOOD UP oh my goodness. Lost like 3 whole seconds which was very crucial to his timing although he caught up with everyone and came in 2nd. Stupid Bongard hahaha.

Took part in discus also. Hahaha stupid circular thing so freaking hard to HOLD, let alone throw. Came in 2nd from the bottom STOP LAUGHING LAH at least I won something for SHORT PUT ahha!

---

Left around 4 pm with Wanxian for Hwa Chong Junior College to support the softballers in a friendly match against HCJC. Bloody school has EVERYTHING. Squash courts, tennis courts, tennis training courts, badminton courts, swimming pool, basketball courts, netball courts, soccer field, softball field, the track ect ect.

It also stretches over the distance of 3 bus stops. Total waste of precious land okay. Pffft.

Anyway both of us totally didn't understand the game at first so we thought the worst - ACS(I) was getting thrashed by HCJC. Then Wesley came and started explaining the game to us and we were like, "OHHHH" but still unsure whether we were winning.

AND THEN WE DISCOVERED SOMETHING AMAZING. Whenever we sat down, ACS(I) seemed to be getting owned but when we stood up they always win every round. So we like stood for 2 hours and they WON hahaha. Now my legs are all aching like crap, how am I going to run 4 x 100M tomorrow I don't know.

---

Was supposed to do work but the mugging mood was totally ruined today. Now waiting for the OEP site to open (16 minutes 34 seconds to go).

Golly golashes, I have never seen so many IB people online at one time before - and all with one motive too. This is highly amusing, it's worse than watching 22 people chase after 1 soccer ball (though I have nothing against soccer. It's a wonderful game).

---

Before I part, here is a result of our boredom in HCJC. Enjoy (:



---

{edit}

OH FUCK. FUCKETTY FUCK.

I totally forgot about Wanxian! She doesn't really know about the OEP thing, let alone know that today's the starting date to sign up and that everyone's fighting like mad for a place in the country they want to go. Her phone's switched off so I called her house, awakening her mother.

Explained to her mother about the OEP thing and on how it was on a first-come-first-serve basis and omg she started PANICKING ahha. Wanxian also refuses to wake up (bloody pig) so I'm damn scared she ends up in Sarawak or Taman Negra or Timbuktu or God-knows-where.

Okay I'm starting to panic myself. Li Jiang has 8 spaces left and there's still about 5 more hours before Wanxian the pig wakes up. God please help her get into Li Jiang and teach the little kiddos at the village school with the Spring of Love Project staff.

Oh wow it's 1.03 am now I have to sleep if not tomorrow I will be like dead corpse and everyone around me will suffer. Goodnight!

{/edit}

// Straightjacket feeling

This is relatively old news, but I must announce it anyway.

WANXIAN GOT INTO ACS(I)!!!

Omg spasm one thousand times. Finally, another fragment of my old life in Crescent has been uncovered, meaning I'm more likely to enjoy the upcoming 2 years now. I am happy gal number one okay, don't mess. =P

---

Today was so freaking slack I can't really remember what I did before going for sports heats save for the fact that I passed my Econs test (20/25 hahahahaha).

As usual, Cheryl and I left nearly 1 hour earlier before the actual time we were dismissed and went to 5.13 with Wanxian to slack. Then we had lunch at the Cafe and I went to nap at the spot where all the bags were. Haha so unglam, but NEHMINE LAH. :D

Had to help out in sports heats for CAS. I am ASSISTANT CHIEF TIME-KEEPER, so pro right. (x Anyway, Wanxian came to help because she didn't want to have lessons (first day here already ponned like mad, tsk tsk).

Basically spent about 3 hours holding the lollipop (it's this green and red thingy which lets the starters know whether we're ready) and pressing stopwatches. I think I'm quite a professional time-keeper now, what with all the practising since yesterday. Wheee.

Kidnapped the loud hailer from Cheryl after the whole thing ended. I swear, it's the bestest toy in the world!! Went around attacking innocent people ("Keith, stop flirting with the Thoban guy!") omg funny number one.

Also made a bet with Marcus Lim DS. If he could lick his elbow, he gets 20 bucks from me. It's amazing how much people would do for the stupidest things that only ends up making them look so retarded.

Anyway it's physically impossible to lick one's elbow (go on, try it) so poor Marcus Lim didn't get his 20 bucks. However, there's a rather flattering video in Kenneth Lui's phone featuring him trying to prove me wrong. I swear, it is very entertaining indeed. :D

---

Went home with Brendan, Xinling and Wanxian. I fell asleep on the bus and fucking missed my stop and landed up in Adam Road hahaha. Lazy to take bus back so I crossed over to Japanese Association and flagged down a cab there.

The cab driver is very interesting. He thought I was Japanese so when I went inside he was all, "Konichiwa!" But after I went, "Harr??", he totally shut up.

I think he was quite disappointed but who cares man, I look like a JAP! :D

---

Oh oh I almost forgot. I TOOK PART IN SHOTPUT YESTERDAY AND CAME IN SECOND OMG SO RETARDED OKAY, I NEVER THREW A MEDICINE BALL IN MY WHOLE FREAKING LIFE BEFORE AND I CAN STILL GET A PRIZE, OWNAGE OR OWNAGE!

:D







Yayyy I'm gonna love ACS(I) now with these 2 retards. Long live Crescentians 2001-2005! <33

// Song of the moment

I'll Be - Edwin McCain

The strands in your eyes that colour them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
And emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth

Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

[Chorus]
I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You're my survival, you're my living proof
My love is alive and not dead

Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

[Chorus]

And I've dropped out, I've burned up
I fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in, turned on
Remembered the things that you said

[Chorus] x2

// It's not Loaded.

Woke up this morning feeling greaaaaat all thanks to Liak who kept me company all the way till 3 am yesterday night because of my insomnia. (:

Spent the morning reading Tell Me Your Dreams by Sidney Sheldon. Needless to say, I always read the good books and this one's really stupendous. I love exploring the endless ways of how the human mind works, and this book speaks of a multiple personality disorder/dissociative identity disorder.

Maybe I should indulge in psychiatric literature when I grow older. Now that's an interesting thought.

---

Must dash to Kalai's place in 10 minutes. Meanwhile, I chanced upon Jerilyn's blog and found out she actually tagged me to do some random survey. So here goes:

Seven random facts about me:
1. I AM NOT AN ELEPHANT.
2. Dare me to do anything for money and I probably will.
3. I listen to Cradle of Filth. Haha!
4. It's highly recommended that one should not talk to me before 9 am.
5. I love sleeping.
6. My state of mental health has been questioned one too many times.
7. I enjoy being a public nuisance. Hawhaw.

Seven celebrity crushes:
1. CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY =P

Seven qualities I want in a potential boyfriend/girlfriend:
1. The ability to make me laugh. Not the "haha" type but the squat-on-the-floor-laughing-until-I-cry kind. Teehee.
2. You have to know when to leave me alone when I need some time by myself.
3. You gotta be smarter than me. Haha.
4. Go the extra mile for the smallest things, because I would do the same for you.
5. Let me love you.
6. Um... Just be sweet and nice and loyal.
7. Love me enough not to hurt me.

Seven things that scare me:
1. Freaking lizards.
2. Flying cockroaches.
3. Sinking into depression.
4. Shutter, the ultimate ownage horror movie.
5. Being alone in an unfamiliar place.
6. My handphone bill. Lol.
7. Most of all... Myself.

Seven random songs at the moment:
1. Calm Like A Bomb - Rage Against The Machine
2. Coming Undone - Korn
3. Halo - Bethany Joy Lenz
4. Futures - Jimmy Eat World
5. Run - Snow Patrol
6. Understand The Dream Is Over - The Juliana Theory
7. Dance Inside - The All-American Rejects

Seven things I like the most:
1. My orange Barney Rustler Crumpler
2. My phone (2 years old and counting!)
3. The chain reaction between Kalai and Jerilyn when I sneeze/fart/burp. :D
4. Being retarded. 5. LAUGHING!!! (especially at people who fall down)
6. Collecting pictures of orgasm faces (eg. Soccer players doing their thang)
7. Sleeping.

Seven things I plan to do before I die:
1. Kill everyone on my deathlist.
2. Have sex. (HAHA)
3. Jump off a cliff. (that's how I want to die actually)
4. Let ____ know the truth.
5. Go to Rome.
6. I always wanted to eat dog food.
7. Spend time with my closest friends.

Seven things I say the most:
1. "I am NOT retarded."
2. "Very funny meh??"
3. "OMGWTFBBQ"
4. "What the hell"
5. "Kanasai"
6. "Got homework meh??"
7. "Stop corrupting my innocent mind lah."

Seven people I want to do this too:
1. People
2. Who
3. Are
4. Bored
5. Like
6. Me
7. (:

// Shoots and ladders

Slept at 3 am yesterday night because of the show (refer to Friday's post) and my doing some reflections on what has happened in this 2 short months.

I realised I haven't been a good person, daughter, student and friend to everyone. Been sleeping and fooling around in class, lying, being depressed, abandoning people, disobeying my parents, procrastinating my schoolwork, be on the computer 24/7 and the like.

Very disappointing, Zel. Very disappointing.

Anyway I'm very sorry for being the way I am this year. I promise to change for the better. Who knows, I may even start going to church without having hypocritical feelings again.

It's time for a change; a stupendous (and hopefully permanent) revolution. Till then, please bear with my lousy attitude for a little while longer alright.

---

I'd also like to thank Liz, Marcus Ng, Xinling, Alex, Zhihao, Bose, Melissa and everyone else for being there for me on Friday. I know I was acting like a pompous and indecisive old fart and I love you all for being patient with my stupid irrational brain.

Going to a polytechnic isn't my choice - it's my escapade. And I thank God for Xinling who helped me realise that.

I also must stop wallowing in self-pity and start working hard in my studies. I cannot allow myself to be retained this year-end. Guess it's time to go mug in KAP again. (: Hopefully, I won't burn out too soon.

I must stop self-mutilation and look on the bright side of every problem. I've found a list of sites that encourages people whom have suidical thoughts and they're quite effective. (: I'm kind of contemplating on being a Christian too. After all, religion's one of the best remedies for depressed people. Hahaha.

I also need to start appreciating my friends (we'll leave family to a much later part though). They actually do give a shit about me and I have never shown much gratitude to them. So I gotta work on being friends back too.

---

Finally finished reading Lord of the Flies and I must say it's a really great read with classic graphic descriptions. The movie's more emotional though, it's very sad that Limewire doesn't have the file for me to download. Oh well.

"Ralph looked at him dumbly. For a moment he had a fleeting picture of the strange glamour that had once invested the beaches. But the island was scorched up like dead wood - Simon was dead - and Jack had... The tears began to flow and sobs shook him. He gave himself up to them now for the first time on the island; great, shuddering spasms of grief that seemed to wrench his whole body.

His voice rose from under the black smoke before the burning wreckage of the island; and infected by that emotion, the other little boys began to shake and sob too. And in the middle of them, with filthy body, matted hair, and unwiped nose, Ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man's heart, and the fall through the air of the true, wise friend called Piggy."

Famous last words. Evil in its purest form. This book is ownage, yes? :D

---

Damn, I have English commentries and first draft of my TOK essay to do. Screw it, I shall work on them tomorrow in Kalai's house. Saturdays are meant for playing after all. (:

// Yellow brick road

Using my sister's tablet now the keypad is freaking stupid. I keep making typos, this is very frustrating.

JAE posting results today. ACS(I)'s cut-off is 8 points, how retarded. I never knew this school was that pro. I hope Wanxian's appeal is succesful, I sooo want her to come here. /=

I was feeling very down because I was damn scared the school will retain me by the end of the year. Just look at my test results and my attitude in class and you'd be able to predict my term report correctly. Ah depressing.

Lessons ended around 11.20 am because of Life Science Symposium. Sat between Colin and Wanxian (haha Xinling and I dragged her into the auditorium with us) during the talk. Naturally, I fell asleep on Wanxian and Colin fell asleep on me.

The guy infront of Wanxian slept in such a way that his head ended up resting on Wanxian's knees. Champion number one.

---

Today's training was THE BEST so far! Sailed with Jessica again and WE DIDN'T CAPSIZE AT ALL. Like omgz, clap please. :D

Had a birthday bash for Mr Lim and Uncle Tony. Caught up with Xinling again (<333!) and basically just gossiped with the Year 5s.

Oh, the food is really good. (: Had like, 3 helpings omg what ever is happening to my so-called diet someone please shoot me now.

Apparently, the guys think Crescent girls are bloody hilarious and even took a video of Xinling and I doing God-knows-what. Ahha embarassing, but nevermind I'm quite shameless as you all know. (x

---

Got a lift from one of the guy's mom and dropped off at KAP to wait for my dad. I actually studied Econs there okay, PRO OR PRO.

However I met Jarvin and his friends there and thus promptly abandoned my notes. Played Bridge until my dad came and went home.

---

Thank God for sailing and Xinling. If not for these 2 very important factors of my life, I would be very well on my way to Ngee Ann Polytechnic now.

Oooh nice show on HBO now. Barely 5 minutes before it started there's already sounds of guns and 3 people are lying on the floor covered in blood. I likeee. :D

Goodnight!

// Autobahn

I'm gonna make this a relatively short post because I'm exhausted to the max.

Founder's Day today. Woke up at an ungodly hour of 6 am to reach school half an hour earlier. Half the level ponned lah what the shit. Mark Chiang was tempting me yesterday night and even my own mother wanted me to stay at home so she won't have to wake up early to fetch me. However, I already promised Cheryl I'd go to school with her, so I woke up this morning looking like a dead corpse due to the fact I slept at 1 am the night before.

Fell asleep standing up during the parade. Slept through the entire awards presentation, only waking up when this guy knocked into the table full of plaques and causing half of the mass to fall down domino style. :D

Had lunch (I ate 4 xiao ji's omg it's like drinking oil) and went for sailing afterwards. Needless to say, I slept on the bus again. Teehee.

TRAINING ROCKED TODAY! Paired up with Jessica (my sailing soul mate okay) and basically did tacks and jibes the whole afternoon till we mastered them. We capsized only ONCE also ahha I am sailing noob NO MORE. xD

Gerard and I caught a ride from Razmi, squeezing with 4 other people in the back. I actually managed to SLEEP yet again, I am champion number one lah oh my son.

---

Just did research on Amy Tan for my EE essay. I must say, her facial features are very... Intriguing.

If you get nightmares about a strange woman with ridiculous cheekbones the height of dinosaurs tonight, please don't come and find me kekekez.

Going to sleep now! Byebye. (: