// Losing grip

Boring, boring day.

---

8 March 2006

"Fuck you. And this time I say it without an intention to hurt. I say it because I mean it. You come and moodswing then suddenly act all normal without even explanation. Wait, weren't you complaining about a girl in your class who did exactly that? This is a milestone. Because everytime something has gone wrong I've been hurt. Yet now I don't feel even a drip of hurt, just warm fiery anger. Have fun Zelanie. Reply with a one word answer like 'kthx' or 'ok' or a full essay cursing the gods or the demonds or me, or don't even fucking reply. I don't give a shit. If I can get over Eunice I can sure as hell get over YOU. Right now I don't WANT to know you anymore, this is just a little form of closure to eliminate the hope and fears of the unknown :) Cheerios."

-no reply from Zel-

12 March 2006

"I can't think of a stylish way to say this so, sorry."

"Much as I hate to tell you this, but I think all my feelings for you have evaporated over the past 2 months and now I feel nothing but coldness and emptiness towards you. I know it's pretty mean of me to tell you this, but it beats not being entirely honest with you. But don't you shoulder all the blame for whatever's happened because it takes 2 hands to clap so I'm partly at fault too. Anyway, enjoy Peiling and poly life and try to forget I ever existed ok? Thanks. (:"

"Yeah I expected it. I just wanted to apologise. Alright."

"Why though? If it was because of what I did, yeah okay. But 2 months?"

"I meant the part where we both found out we like each other but you chose to break my heart and not Peiling's, and how I tried to stop liking you after that. Apparently it worked. Haha."

"I didn't choose to hurt you. I was already with her for Christ's sake. You have to like me to be friends?"

"Your message to me on 8 March pretty much explained the mother of all misunderstandings. Anyhow, I can't be bothered to try anymore. It's too exhausting and painful and I just can't do it without crying myself to sleep almost every night. Sorry."

---

Congratulations, Zelanie. You managed to lose the bestest friend you'll ever have. What's more, you end up making yourself look like the bad guy despite you being the one who's trapped in the viscious cycle of this rollercoaster friendship.

Oh well. None of that matters now anyway. It's like a great load has been finally lifted off my aching shoulders. All the stress and frustrations of being unappreciated and I had to battle with has been relieved of me and I can now only express how thankful I am to you for sending that message on 8 March, confirming finality and ending this 2-year torment.

All I have to do now is not to miss you. I cry out to the Heavens that I can do that and not die of terminal depression. Because everytime I sign into MSN, there's hardly anyone who'll laugh at my comments (making me laugh at myself too), nor is there anyone engaging to talk to until the wee hours of the morning.

Thank you for every single conversation we had on MSN, phone and via SMS that made me think and view life at a much higher level. I saved the nicest, the funniest, and the most depressing ones for memory's sake because even if you someday do forget all about me, I will never forget you.

Thank you for being there when I was weak and angry at the world. Thank you for understanding me when no one else did, not even myself. Thank you for the fun times, and the bad times too, because fighting with you has made me become a stronger person emotionally.

I'm sorry for being selfish and how I ended things this way. But you must understand that I am emotionally strained and exhausted from clearing misunderstandings after misunderstandings. I'm nearly on the brink of having a nervous breakdown and I want to do whatever I can to prevent that from happening.

Putting our friendship on hold temporarily or forever is one of the choices I have to make, and I decided to give it a go because in life, nothing counts unless you try. I don't know if I'm making the right decision, but nevertheless, I think it's the best for the both of us.

Lastly, I just want to let you know that your footprints in my life will never be washed away no matter how strong the tide is, because the impact you made on me is too great and divine to ever be pushed aside.

All the best in Singapore Poly and I hope you get into Aerospace Technology because nothing beats doing what you love. I pray that you'll find another person who can replace me in your life because truthfully, I don't think we can make it as friends till adulthood anymore.

---

It's time to find my sanity and genuine happiness before they slip off into virtual non-existence. Hopefully the March holidays can help me a little. Oh well.

Goodbye my lover,
Goodbye my friend.

---

{edit}

"My life's a bitch huh. Just know that you're lucky and fortunate to be in ACS..."

"Anyway I'm always here if you need me okay. Don't talk to me if you don't feel like it or whatever. I guss I've lots to make up for. Sigh."

"(:"

"Haha I owe you that much at the very least. Study hard and love life you :)"

---

FUCK I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.

{/edit}

// Losing grip

Boring, boring day.

---

8 March 2006

"Fuck you. And this time I say it without an intention to hurt. I say it because I mean it. You come and moodswing then suddenly act all normal without even explanation. Wait, weren't you complaining about a girl in your class who did exactly that? This is a milestone. Because everytime something has gone wrong I've been hurt. Yet now I don't feel even a drip of hurt, just warm fiery anger. Have fun Zelanie. Reply with a one word answer like 'kthx' or 'ok' or a full essay cursing the gods or the demonds or me, or don't even fucking reply. I don't give a shit. If I can get over Eunice I can sure as hell get over YOU. Right now I don't WANT to know you anymore, this is just a little form of closure to eliminate the hope and fears of the unknown :) Cheerios."

-no reply from Zel-

12 March 2006

"I can't think of a stylish way to say this so, sorry."

"Much as I hate to tell you this, but I think all my feelings for you have evaporated over the past 2 months and now I feel nothing but coldness and emptiness towards you. I know it's pretty mean of me to tell you this, but it beats not being entirely honest with you. But don't you shoulder all the blame for whatever's happened because it takes 2 hands to clap so I'm partly at fault too. Anyway, enjoy Peiling and poly life and try to forget I ever existed ok? Thanks. (:"

"Yeah I expected it. I just wanted to apologise. Alright."

"Why though? If it was because of what I did, yeah okay. But 2 months?"

"I meant the part where we both found out we like each other but you chose to break my heart and not Peiling's, and how I tried to stop liking you after that. Apparently it worked. Haha."

"I didn't choose to hurt you. I was already with her for Christ's sake. You have to like me to be friends?"

"Your message to me on 8 March pretty much explained the mother of all misunderstandings. Anyhow, I can't be bothered to try anymore. It's too exhausting and painful and I just can't do it without crying myself to sleep almost every night. Sorry."

---

Congratulations, Zelanie. You managed to lose the bestest friend you'll ever have. What's more, you end up making yourself look like the bad guy despite you being the one who's trapped in the viscious cycle of this rollercoaster friendship.

Oh well. None of that matters now anyway. It's like a great load has been finally lifted off my aching shoulders. All the stress and frustrations of being unappreciated and I had to battle with has been relieved of me and I can now only express how thankful I am to you for sending that message on 8 March, confirming finality and ending this 2-year torment.

All I have to do now is not to miss you. I cry out to the Heavens that I can do that and not die of terminal depression. Because everytime I sign into MSN, there's hardly anyone who'll laugh at my comments (making me laugh at myself too), nor is there anyone engaging to talk to until the wee hours of the morning.

Thank you for every single conversation we had on MSN, phone and via SMS that made me think and view life at a much higher level. I saved the nicest, the funniest, and the most depressing ones for memory's sake because even if you someday do forget all about me, I will never forget you.

Thank you for being there when I was weak and angry at the world. Thank you for understanding me when no one else did, not even myself. Thank you for the fun times, and the bad times too, because fighting with you has made me become a stronger person emotionally.

I'm sorry for being selfish and how I ended things this way. But you must understand that I am emotionally strained and exhausted from clearing misunderstandings after misunderstandings. I'm nearly on the brink of having a nervous breakdown and I want to do whatever I can to prevent that from happening.

Putting our friendship on hold temporarily or forever is one of the choices I have to make, and I decided to give it a go because in life, nothing counts unless you try. I don't know if I'm making the right decision, but nevertheless, I think it's the best for the both of us.

Lastly, I just want to let you know that your footprints in my life will never be washed away no matter how strong the tide is, because the impact you made on me is too great and divine to ever be pushed aside.

All the best in Singapore Poly and I hope you get into Aerospace Technology because nothing beats doing what you love. I pray that you'll find another person who can replace me in your life because truthfully, I don't think we can make it as friends till adulthood anymore.

---

It's time to find my sanity and genuine happiness before they slip off into virtual non-existence. Hopefully the March holidays can help me a little. Oh well.

Goodbye my lover,
Goodbye my friend.

---

{edit}

"My life's a bitch huh. Just know that you're lucky and fortunate to be in ACS..."

"Anyway I'm always here if you need me okay. Don't talk to me if you don't feel like it or whatever. I guss I've lots to make up for. Sigh."

"(:"

"Haha I owe you that much at the very least. Study hard and love life you :)"

---

FUCK I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.

{/edit}