// Shoots and ladders

Slept at 3 am yesterday night because of the show (refer to Friday's post) and my doing some reflections on what has happened in this 2 short months.

I realised I haven't been a good person, daughter, student and friend to everyone. Been sleeping and fooling around in class, lying, being depressed, abandoning people, disobeying my parents, procrastinating my schoolwork, be on the computer 24/7 and the like.

Very disappointing, Zel. Very disappointing.

Anyway I'm very sorry for being the way I am this year. I promise to change for the better. Who knows, I may even start going to church without having hypocritical feelings again.

It's time for a change; a stupendous (and hopefully permanent) revolution. Till then, please bear with my lousy attitude for a little while longer alright.

---

I'd also like to thank Liz, Marcus Ng, Xinling, Alex, Zhihao, Bose, Melissa and everyone else for being there for me on Friday. I know I was acting like a pompous and indecisive old fart and I love you all for being patient with my stupid irrational brain.

Going to a polytechnic isn't my choice - it's my escapade. And I thank God for Xinling who helped me realise that.

I also must stop wallowing in self-pity and start working hard in my studies. I cannot allow myself to be retained this year-end. Guess it's time to go mug in KAP again. (: Hopefully, I won't burn out too soon.

I must stop self-mutilation and look on the bright side of every problem. I've found a list of sites that encourages people whom have suidical thoughts and they're quite effective. (: I'm kind of contemplating on being a Christian too. After all, religion's one of the best remedies for depressed people. Hahaha.

I also need to start appreciating my friends (we'll leave family to a much later part though). They actually do give a shit about me and I have never shown much gratitude to them. So I gotta work on being friends back too.

---

Finally finished reading Lord of the Flies and I must say it's a really great read with classic graphic descriptions. The movie's more emotional though, it's very sad that Limewire doesn't have the file for me to download. Oh well.

"Ralph looked at him dumbly. For a moment he had a fleeting picture of the strange glamour that had once invested the beaches. But the island was scorched up like dead wood - Simon was dead - and Jack had... The tears began to flow and sobs shook him. He gave himself up to them now for the first time on the island; great, shuddering spasms of grief that seemed to wrench his whole body.

His voice rose from under the black smoke before the burning wreckage of the island; and infected by that emotion, the other little boys began to shake and sob too. And in the middle of them, with filthy body, matted hair, and unwiped nose, Ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man's heart, and the fall through the air of the true, wise friend called Piggy."

Famous last words. Evil in its purest form. This book is ownage, yes? :D

---

Damn, I have English commentries and first draft of my TOK essay to do. Screw it, I shall work on them tomorrow in Kalai's house. Saturdays are meant for playing after all. (:

// Shoots and ladders

Slept at 3 am yesterday night because of the show (refer to Friday's post) and my doing some reflections on what has happened in this 2 short months.

I realised I haven't been a good person, daughter, student and friend to everyone. Been sleeping and fooling around in class, lying, being depressed, abandoning people, disobeying my parents, procrastinating my schoolwork, be on the computer 24/7 and the like.

Very disappointing, Zel. Very disappointing.

Anyway I'm very sorry for being the way I am this year. I promise to change for the better. Who knows, I may even start going to church without having hypocritical feelings again.

It's time for a change; a stupendous (and hopefully permanent) revolution. Till then, please bear with my lousy attitude for a little while longer alright.

---

I'd also like to thank Liz, Marcus Ng, Xinling, Alex, Zhihao, Bose, Melissa and everyone else for being there for me on Friday. I know I was acting like a pompous and indecisive old fart and I love you all for being patient with my stupid irrational brain.

Going to a polytechnic isn't my choice - it's my escapade. And I thank God for Xinling who helped me realise that.

I also must stop wallowing in self-pity and start working hard in my studies. I cannot allow myself to be retained this year-end. Guess it's time to go mug in KAP again. (: Hopefully, I won't burn out too soon.

I must stop self-mutilation and look on the bright side of every problem. I've found a list of sites that encourages people whom have suidical thoughts and they're quite effective. (: I'm kind of contemplating on being a Christian too. After all, religion's one of the best remedies for depressed people. Hahaha.

I also need to start appreciating my friends (we'll leave family to a much later part though). They actually do give a shit about me and I have never shown much gratitude to them. So I gotta work on being friends back too.

---

Finally finished reading Lord of the Flies and I must say it's a really great read with classic graphic descriptions. The movie's more emotional though, it's very sad that Limewire doesn't have the file for me to download. Oh well.

"Ralph looked at him dumbly. For a moment he had a fleeting picture of the strange glamour that had once invested the beaches. But the island was scorched up like dead wood - Simon was dead - and Jack had... The tears began to flow and sobs shook him. He gave himself up to them now for the first time on the island; great, shuddering spasms of grief that seemed to wrench his whole body.

His voice rose from under the black smoke before the burning wreckage of the island; and infected by that emotion, the other little boys began to shake and sob too. And in the middle of them, with filthy body, matted hair, and unwiped nose, Ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man's heart, and the fall through the air of the true, wise friend called Piggy."

Famous last words. Evil in its purest form. This book is ownage, yes? :D

---

Damn, I have English commentries and first draft of my TOK essay to do. Screw it, I shall work on them tomorrow in Kalai's house. Saturdays are meant for playing after all. (: